You Know When You Know
by Meljohnson6585
Summary: Olivia has always been hush-hush about her personal life. But she finds herself in a situation she has to get out of. Will her best friend Casey be there when she finally releases herself?
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone! I wanted to start a new Olivia/Casey fic. I liked the idea of Olivia being closeted to everyone except Casey and her getting into a situation with a guy that she has to get out of. Anyway, read, review and enjoy!_

Deep down, Olivia knew this was wrong. For most of her life, she had been honest with herself and others, but she still wrestled with so many aspects of her sexuality. Given all that had happened in her life, she kept to herself. There had been so many obstacles - her mother's drinking, not knowing who her father is, her estranged brother, but through all of this, she still struggled coming to terms with being a lesbian.

"Love the sinner, hate the sin," this was the phrase that her friends at Sienna repeated to her over and over and over again when she told them she was gay. It was so hard for her to do so, especially since she struggled so much trusting people, and this was the first group that she really felt comfortable with. Her friends there always tried setting her up with guys, and she would either say "he's not my type" or she would go out with them but nothing physical happened. Her friends kept saying to her, "are you sure you're gay?" and she'd just seethe with rage on the inside. "Am I sure?!" she'd think. "You think I would choose this path?"

But now, she was at a very low point. At work, things were actually going well with the new team, and she was as on top of her game as she's ever been. But, she struggled internally with a guy she was seeing, Bill.

It all started fairly innocently. She actually got set up with him through Rollins, who obviously didn't know about her sexuality. She didn't want to be rude, or go into detail about why she didn't want to date him, let alone any other man, so she accepted. The two met, and actually got along well, and Liv actually felt attracted to him, for the first time in her life. She got all screwed up emotionally. "Maybe I'm not gay," she thought. "Have I been wrong about myself all along? Is that even possible."

She knew, however that she preferred women. It got even harder when Bill started to fall for her - and fast, and she just didn't know how to get out of it all. She didn't want to hurt him, but she also didn't want to live a lie. She also really didn't feel like having to explain to Rollins when it all didn't work out.

Throughout all of this, her best friend, Casey Novak was always there for her. She was a shoulder to cry on, and a confidant. She was the only person in SVU that knew she was gay, and often times she felt like the only person Olivia could talk to. One day, after work, they met for coffee and some tough love.

"Crap, Bill just texted again, he wants to hang out later," Olivia said as she took a sip of her black coffee. "Man, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this."

Casey rolled her eyes. She had heard this story so many times before, and was frankly getting sick of it. She too wondered exactly how Liv felt about this guy, and whether or not she could actually see herself with him long term.

"Liv, you know how I feel about the whole thing," Casey offered. "You should have never even put yourself in this position, let alone continued to see him. Now he's falling in love with you, and getting in deeper and deeper."

"He's not falling in love with me!" Liv protested. "It hasn't even been that long, maybe like ten weeks."

"Trust me, he is," Casey countered. "I've seen you guys together. He gets all googly-eyed when he looks at you. He texts you all the time. Liv, he's falling for you."

The table was silent for a second as Olivia gathered her thoughts. She knew Casey was right. Even though he hadn't said "I love you" yet, she knew it was coming soon. He had given her a drawer to keep some of her things in his apartment and told her he wanted to spend every free minute of every day with her. Olivia marveled that a person could fall so deeply for her, and that's part of what kept her cling to him. Never had she had a relationship where the other party was so head over heels for her.

"You've gotta do something," Casey continued. "Because he's going to say 'I love you' soon and then maybe ask you to move in with him or something. I know men, Olivia, much better than you do. This is what they do."

"You're right, Case, god this is so hard. I didn't mean for this to happen at all, but it just sort of snowballed. One date became two, two became three, and then all of the sudden I'm spending nights at his place and vice versa. I just need to get out."

Casey rolled her eyes again. She'd heard this before too. Liv had said she needed to get out before, and never did. Why would this be any different?

"Just tell him, Liv, that's the easiest thing. Bill, I'm a lesbian. Boom. Over. Let's move on. You'll feel better after you do it."

What complicated things further was that Olivia had this insane crush on Casey which started the day they met. She always wanted to be with her, but knew that Casey was straight, which took that out of the equation. She always thought 'why can't we just be together? It'd be so easy,' but never made a move or said anything about it. She didn't want to make things awkward between them, especially since they were so close.

"If only it were that easy, Case," Olivia said with a chuckle. "But I'm going to do it soon, I promise."

"Pinky swear," Casey said, extending her hand.

"Pinky swear," Olivia returned, joining their pinkies. This was a little too cute for Olivia, but she didn't mind. "OK, I've gotta go meet Bill. He's waiting for me. I'll get out of this soon, Case, I will."

* * *

Part of the reason Olivia stayed with Bill for so long is that she really liked his apartment. It was spacious, yet cozy, with a killer view. He was a big time investment banker with a lot of money and he treated Olivia like a queen. No one, male or female had ever treated her this well in a relationship context. He was already home by the time Olivia got there. He buzzed her up, and immediately he took Olivia's coat and hung it up. He poured two glasses of wine, and rubbed her shoulders as they sipped.

"How was your day, hon?" He asked. Olivia cringed a little inside when she heard the word "hon" but tried not to think about it.

"It was fine," she replied. "We're getting somewhere on one of our cases, gathering some evidence and such, hopefully enough to nail him to the wall forever."

Olivia never mentioned specifics of cases to Bill until they had been closed. He understood that, and respected her. The last thing he wanted was to accidentally say something that he shouldn't that could end up jeopardizing things.

"That's great babe," he said back, continuing to rub her shoulders. His hands worked wonders down Olivia's back and he was absolutely hitting all of her spots. Though she was fighting the urges, she was absolutely getting turned on by this. They'd had sex before, which was weird enough in and of itself, but the constant sense of security was something that Olivia really was enjoying.

"How did things go on Wall Street?" she asked. Bill didn't actually work on Wall Street and Olivia knew that, but it was a running joke between them. She knew enough about his job, but was really not well versed at all in the ways of the financial game.

"Today was nice, you know, the usual," Bill said. Olivia didn't really know what "the usual" meant, but she just went with it. All of the sudden, those magic fingers stopped and he turned her towards him. "But as always, the best part of my day is right now, sitting in front of me."

Olivia smiled. Even though that line was corny, she did like it. Before she knew it, Bill had pressed his lips against hers and slid his tongue inside her mouth, gently massaging it with hers. This kiss was soft, but definitely deep and passionate. She then felt his hands once again go up and down her body, and she was definitely getting turned on. Bill then took his shirt off. He traded his perfectly tailored button down with a fairly tight long-sleeved t-shirt. He had an absolutely amazing body. He had been a swimmer in high school and college, and still continued to do so to this day, and he absolutely showed it. His pecs were beyond defined, and he had abs upon abs going down his torso. Olivia loved to feel his rock hard body getting pressed against hers. There was truly nothing like it. Right then, Olivia took her shirt off, exposing the lacy lavender bra she was wearing, and further realizing that she had been sucked in once again by Bill's sexiness. He reached behind her and unclasped her bra, allowing it to fall right off the couch and onto the floor.

The heat was so evident and palpable, and Olivia did enjoy it. Bill felt her nipples and breasts up and down, and then reached for the buckle of his belt and ripped it off, and then took his jeans off. Bill was a tighty-whitie guy, which definitely suited him considering he was so unbelievably defined. Olivia then reached down and felt his unbelievably hard, erect dick that just wanted to creep out of his briefs so badly. She wondered just how those cotton briefs could corral and contain a cock that large. It wouldn't matter as she slid his undies off of him with one hand while taking her pants off with the other. She then shuffled out of her pants, and he reached inside of the side table for a condom which he slid onto his fully erect, huge penis.

Olivia took off her simple white cotton Hanes panties and prepared as Bill approached her and then inserted himself inside of her. She felt his enormous penis press up against her, and loved the feeling of his thrust. It was definitely second to none. Even though she was gay, and knew she was gay, she had always preferred a strap on in the bed room, and honestly, what was better than an actual, live, fully erect dick?

He continued to move inside of her, and Olivia got closer to orgasm with every thrust. She clenched her fists as he continued to move, over and over, back and forth. She knew she was getting closer to the edge with each tough inside of her. He kept going, and finally, she felt him release, and she released right there too. It was such an odd sensation to cum the way that she did, knowing that this ultimately wasn't what she wanted.

Olivia put some sweats on, and Bill just lounged around in his tighty-whities after it was over. That was his thing after they had sex, he would never get fully dressed, but rather what just hang out in his briefs, which honestly wasn't the worst thing considering he wasn't bad to look at. Each time they finished, Olivia had a mix of emotions. She was satisfied sexually, but hated that she was continuing to deceive this very nice guy. She realized that she did have to get out of this, and she had to do it soon. She really didn't want to deceive him anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia woke up at Bill's place, and looked at her phone and saw it read 6:30 AM. She was a little tired, but had gotten used to this sort of routine as he normally had to be at work between 7:30 and 8. She saw him next to her, and he leaned in to give her a good morning kiss, throwing out all care about morning breath and things like that.

"How are you?" he asked excitedly.

"Feeling good, how about you?" the brunette answered.

"Any morning waking up next to you is wonderful," he said. "Now I'll get breakfast and the coffee started. I'll give you the first shower."

Olivia noticed Bill had not put anything on from the night before, and saw how tight his briefs hugged his body as he walked away. They really accentuated his ass and package exquisitely, and she could really watch him walk away in them all day long. His back was to her, so he didn't catch her staring at him, but even if her had, she wouldn't have been all that embarrassed.

As the water pressed down on her in the shower, all Olivia could think of was "god, Casey is going to be so mad at me when she finds out what I did." She continued to bathe, and after about ten minutes, she stepped out and got dressed. She had a few things at his place - she had actually done a good job of not keeping too much stuff there, even though he probably would have preferred her to have more. As it stood now, she had about three pairs of pants and three or four work blouses, two pairs of shoes and three bras and some underwear. They weren't doing each others laundry yet, as that was a boundary that Liv really wasn't ready to cross.

After putting on some grey slacks with a blue blouse, she walked out to the kitchen to find Bill cooking up some eggs and bacon. She smelled some toast going in the toaster, too. Olivia never used to eat a full breakfast, but Bill was very accustomed to doing so, and very much brought her into his routine. As he handed her a cup of black coffee, she noticed he still hadn't put anything else on yet. Even though his morning wood had died down, she could still see his big cock through his tighty-whities.

"Excited to see me this morning?" She asked playfully. Bill then looked down and smiled, and realized that it was very easy to see his penis through his briefs.

"Always excited to see you detective," he joked with a smile.

"Well, you're probably going to have to put something on. I don't think your Wall Street colleagues will appreciate you showing up to work in your skivvies...Or would they?" Olivia joked.

Bill laughed. He felt so comfortable around Olivia, and actually liked just being scantily clad like this. Before Olivia he was a little more modest, but he could tell Olivia liked to check him out, so he did all of this for her.

"You never know," he answered. "There's this one new receptionist...can't be more than 22 or 23...she always gives me a look as I walk by."

Olivia gave him a playful shove as she continued to eat her breakfast.

"I'm sure you put evvvveeerrrryyybbbbooddddy to shame," Olivia said jokingly. Just as she finished Bill gave her a kiss and headed into the shower.

Olivia sat and read the paper while she finished her breakfast. Bill had eaten most of his already, which didn't really matter as she didn't mind eating alone. She heard the shower turn off, and about five minutes later, Bill emerged wearing a button-down, and a tie with a fresh new pair of briefs adorning his figure. He slid his pants on and buckled his belt, and then headed over to Olivia for one last morning kiss. He grabbed his jacket and the two made their way downstairs, heading in opposite directions to get to their respective subways.

* * *

As if things couldn't get more awkward for Olivia, the squad had worked up enough evidence against a suspect, Calvin Pace for a warrant. Mr. Pace was suspected of raping four different women, and Olivia really wanted to hammer him to the wall. Knowing that she was going to see Casey eventually, she headed over to her office to get her to sign it.

"Good morning counselor," she said. She knew that Casey was about to bust her chops for continuing on with Bill.

"Good morning to you too, detective," Casey said. "So I'm guessing you didn't end things with Bill, did you?"

This was part of the reason that Olivia wanted to be with Casey so much. She just knew her so well, even at times when Olivia didn't want someone to know her this well.

"No, not yet Case, but it's coming soon, I promise. Part of it is that he's just so well-defined. His body is incredible, and I see him in those tight briefs and I almost melt."

Casey was cringing a little. She didn't really want to hear any of this as she'd heard it before.

"That's great Olivia," Casey said sarcastically. "Do you have anything you need from me right now?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. We feel we've got enough to search Pace's place. Will you sign this warrant?"

Casey looked it over and everything was in order. She signed it and then handed it back to Olivia.

"Here you go, Liv. But please, end this with Bill before it gets even later!"

Olivia heard Casey but was out the door before she could retort.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia and Amaro picked up Pace at his apartment, and found mountains of evidence. Several pictures of the women that he had allegedly raped as well as many emails he had sent all of them. They also found the mask that he had use to conceal himself. All of this was at least enough to bring him in for questioning.

This was something Olivia really loved doing. Questioning a suspect gave her a sense of calm, and being able to break them really made her feel even more validated in her job. So, as she stood outside the interrogation room, she took a deep breath and thought "this bastard is mine."

She shut the door and saw Pace sitting at the table. He had a medium built with stringy, greasy brown hair and piercing blue eyes. She could understand why a woman would find him physically attractive, but he had a very similar smug attitude that she had seen in many rapists. So, she started walking in a somewhat menacing circle around him with her hands clasped behind her back as she normally did. Nick sat across from Pace, waiting for Olivia to get the interview started.

"So Calvin, is there something about raping and overpowering women that gets you off?"

Calvin sat there with a very smug grin on his face that Olivia wanted so smack right off of him. He didn't say anything for a minute before he finally responded.

"All of those women got what they deserved," he said. "And they all wanted me to pleasure them."

Olivia got so furious on the inside. Before she could react, Amaro opened the file that was on the desk that showed pictures of the horribly battered women that Pace had assaulted.

"Pleasure" Nick said menacingly. "No woman wants this to happen to them." Nick shoved the pictures in front of Pace. All of them were awful and each of them were horribly battered and bludgeoned. All four of the girls looked like they had just gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.

"Look at these!" Nick said with a very direct, angry tone. "Paula Marshall, she's 16 and you ripped her hair out before you raped her and beat her senseless. Eileen Allen, she's 15, and you gagged her so badly she couldn't scream or fight back, not to mention how you choked her as you raped her."

Both Olivia and Amaro got so angry at this smug bastard. It was only a matter of time before one of them broke up and he would be off the streets for good.

Olivia continued to circle, her hands still clasped behind her back. "You feel like a big man, doing things like this to women whom you outweigh by 70-80 pounds that you can overpower? Does that get you off and make you feel good about yourself?"

Pace then smiled even more smugly and looked Olivia up and down, checking her out. He stared daggers through Olivia's ass, which looked great in a pair of tight-fitting black slacks. He watched as her ass swished from side to side as she walked around him. He then looked at Nick before he gave his answer.

"Actually, these girls, overpowering them wasn't even that fun," he said. "But looking at you detective Benson, having a girl your size is really more to my speed….."

"That's enough, you sick fuck!" Nick interjected.

"That's OK, Nick" Olivia said calmly. "Because after he's convicted of rape and assault, there will be plenty of men my size and bigger in Rikers that will want to have all kinds of fun with him."

Just as Olivia finished that sentence, Pace's attorney walked in.

"Not another word, Calvin" he said, not knowing what had just been said. He then got Calvin out of his chair and told him to wait for him outside.

The attorney, a very well dressed man with parted, slicked hair, looked at Nick and Olivia, and they could tell he wanted to make a deal. He did not want this going to trial as he knew he would have even less of a chance in front of a jury.

"Can we talk deals?" He asked.

"We can now," Casey interjected. Olivia had told Casey that they were bringing Pace in for questioning so she made her way over to watch. She always liked seeing Olivia in action, and when Pace's attorney arrived she knew it was her time to shine.

"What have you got for me counselor," Pace's attorney, Dick Bledsoe asked.

"He pleads guilty to the rapes and I'll try to wave the assault charges, not that it will matter for your client," Casey said. "And I'm offering life, and that's the best I can do."

Michael Bledsoe, Pace's attorney realized he was in a bit of a bind, but really didn't want this to go to trial as he figured he didn't have much of a shot.

"OK," he answered. "I'll tell Calvin, and I'll push him hard to take the deal. I really don't want this going in front of a jury."

"Who could blame you?" Liv offered.

"My boss wants no parole," Casey then said. She wanted to see just how much she could get out of Bledsoe.

"That's fine," he answered. "Now let me talk to my client."

With that, he was out the door. Olivia gave Casey a very approving look, and as soon as he was out of eyesight, gave her a high-five.

"Nice work counselor," she said.

"No problem, Liv. No please tell me you have some other good news for me?"

Casey sometimes really knew how to suck the fun out of everything. They all had just helped take a rapist off the streets, but of course Casey had to pester Liv with doses of reality.

"Not yet Casey, but soon."

Casey rolled her eyes and then left, somewhat disgruntled.

"What's all that about?" Nick asked.

"Nothing Nick, don't worry about it. Casey just wants me to finish something, that's all."


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia was tired after such a long day, but Bill was insistent on seeing her, so she headed over to his apartment. The doorman, Brian knew her at this point, and he just let her right up. She headed up to Bill's place and found him cooking dinner in his underwear. Olivia gasped a little at the sight. She couldn't really remember him doing this before, even though he did like to spend time in only him skivvies.

"Good evening, detective," he said as he walked over to kiss her. "Always nice to see your beautiful face."

Olivia returned the kiss, and got a little flushed when she saw him. His tight white briefs accentuated his form so well as they hugged his ass. She could see the outline of his massive cock through the front of them and had to sit down.

"You know, you may need to develop a habit of wearing clothes," Olivia joked. "You better hope that no one is staring into those big windows of yours!"

Bill smiled as he walked over and checked on the pasta he was making. It was almost ready as he stirred the pot. He then checked the oven and saw the garlic bread in there was also almost finished.

"Let them stare if they want," He said as he closed the oven. "It doesn't even matter because I only have eyes for one person."

He walked over to Olivia and kissed her again, and she felt his insanely big and erect dick pressing up against her. As he was kissing her, she felt even worse about everything that was happening. Bill was truly falling for her and Olivia realized that she really couldn't let that happen. Casey was right. She had led him on too much and it wasn't fair to either one of them. She had no idea why all of the sudden now all of this was hitting her, but she needed to get out, for her and Bill's sake.

Dinner was finished and they sat down to eat. They had pleasant conversation and Olivia realized that she needed to say something before Bill got it in his head that they were going to fool around. It already may have been in his mind from how he kissed her earlier and from feeling his erect cock rub against her.

"Bill, I need to say something," Olivia started. Her heart was absolutely racing as she began. She couldn't believe she was saying this, even though she always envisioned herself saying it. "And this really isn't easy for me."

Bill was completely oblivious to what was happening. He thought Olivia was going to tell him she loved him, but he was truly in for a rude awakening.

"The thing is Bill, I'm…well….I'm gay. I'm so sorry but I can't continue to do this, and deceive you and not be true to myself."

Looking dead into Olivia's chocolate Brown eyes, Bill was floored. He wasn't overly angry, just surprised as he thought the passion they generated was real and that she was genuinely falling for him.

"Wow, Olivia," he responded. "I don't really know what to say. Are you being serious?"

"Yes, I am, Bill. I haven't been with a man in ten years prior to you, and I just said yes to Rollins so I could appease her, but you seemed to like me and I actually liked you too, and then things got serious fast, and I didn't know how to get out of it."

"Olivia, I want to be mad at you, but I can't. Deep down I'm definitely hurt, and you will certainly be hard to get over, but I am not going to force you to be something you're not."

As he finished, Olivia was relieved. She couldn't believe he was taking all of this so well.

"Honestly Olivia, a good friend of mine from the office was in much deeper than you are. He got married and had a family, and knew he was gay all along. Finally, after being married for 25 years he finally stopped living a lie and told his family the truth about himself. His family obviously had a hard time with it, but he's very happy and they are all now adjusting to it better. I'd never want anything like that to ever happen to you."

"Wow," Olivia replied. "I can't even imagine having to mask yourself for so long. I wasn't out until college, but what you described is my biggest fear, thanks for understanding."

"Just one thing," Bill asked.

"Uh huh," Olivia answered.

"We definitely had some seriously passionate moments. Did you fake all of it?"

Olivia laughed. "No, honey. You're a very good looking guy, and your body is beyond chiseled. I definitely identify as a lesbian, but that doesn't mean I can't find men attractive. You are an attractive guy, but I just very much prefer the company of women."

"Gotcha," he said.

"And the sex..." Olivia continued. "Was fabulous and I definitely enjoyed it. My orgasms were definitely real if that's what you're asking. But once again, I really love and prefer women."

After that, Olivia gave Bill a kiss on the cheek and headed out. It was a little awkward that he was still in his underwear, but she looked passed that as she walked out the door. On her way down the stairs she felt liberated, like a burden had just been lifted off of her. She realized one thing, and picked up her phone and texted Bill to make sure he wouldn't tell Rollins of her secret. He said he wouldn't, and she believed him. After that she called the one person she really wanted to talk to about this.

"You better have some good news for me," Casey said on the other end of the phone.

"Don't worry Case, I do. But I don't want to be alone tonight. Do you mind if I swing by?"

"No problem, Liv. I'll tell everyone downstairs to let you right up."

* * *

Casey had a gorgeous place on the upper west side that Olivia absolutely adored. She knew everyone there as well, and she just felt so comfortable there, definitely more so than Bill's, and she felt very comfortable at his place too. As she arrived she waved hello to the woman behind the desk and headed right up to Casey's.

Casey was wearing leggings and a three quarter length t shirt that she often wore for softball, a far cry from the perfectly tailored suits she always wore at the office. She heard Liv's footsteps and let her in before Olivia even knocked on the door. They really did have a special bond and connection which is a big reason Olivia wanted to further explore what they had.

"It's done," Olivia said as she walked in the door. "And it actually wasn't that hard. Bill was super nice and understanding, and a guy in his office lived a closeted live for like 30 years. Had a wife and family but after a while, he just couldn't do it anymore and came clean. Bill said he never wanted that to happen to me."

"I agree completely," Casey followed. "I was afraid of that happening too, but deep down, I knew you'd do the right thing."

Casey smiled and grabbed a bottle of wine and poured two glasses. She figured Olivia would need one and she was right. It was amazing how well she knew her.

"So what now?" Casey continued.

"I dunno, try to find the right woman, I guess. I know for sure I'll never get involved with a man again. I'll say this though, seeing Bill's chiseled body filling out those tighty-whities as I was telling him it was over certainly wasn't easy. I don't prefer men, but man, does he have a good body"

Casey rolled her eyes. She had heard this before. "Goodness Liv, you and those damn tighty-whities! You may have to find a woman who wears them!"

Olivia laughed. That was definitely the sort of lighthearted comment she needed to hear at this moment. All of this was hard, because Olivia knew who the right woman was and she was staring right at her. Casey looked absolutely gorgeous, and as much as she liked seeing Bill in his tighty-whities, nothing compared to the vision that Casey always was. She loved how her leggings hugged her ass so tightly and how her perky breasts slightly showed through her shirt. All of the sudden, Olivia was getting hot flashes.

"Are you ok, Liv?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired, that's all."

"OK, well, finish your wine and I'll make up the couch for you. You've got some clothes here that I can give in the morning. If you want, we can watch a movie or something until you fall asleep."

"Why are you so good to me, Casey?" Olivia asked. She got so excited to spend a little time with Casey but really wanted to sleep with her in her bed.

"Because that's what friends do," Casey answered. She then left the room and got some sheets and a blanket for Olivia as well as some shorts and a t shirt to sleep in. Olivia did have clothes at Casey's and vice versa as the two had done sleepovers in the passed. Then, Casey checked on demand on her TV and the two settled in to watch "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks. Neither one of them had ever seen the movie, and both of them liked it, but after about an hour, Olivia was asleep. Casey then spread the blanket on her and kissed her forehead before heading into her room.


End file.
